I Am Enough from Melissa Rivera
Tuesday, February 22, 2011 at 12:00AM 
Paradoxically, what immediately surfaces for me when i consider enoughness is the consistent and persistent feedback I have received about being too much.
Not being enough has its roots for me in being told I am too much. I have been told repeatedly that I am too passionate and intense, too sensitive, too reflective, too thin and too fat (at the same weight), too affectionate, too radical, too happy. That my hair and dancing are too wild, my ideas and degrees too many. That I talk too fast, love too deeply and desire too much from life.
Too much has translated over the years into shameful feelings about not being enough, not a good enough daughter, mother, friend, scholar, artist, human being. And I believed I should dim my light because it burns too bright. But maybe, perhaps my too muchness is a gift, what my soul seeks to express and contribute and radiate. It continues to be a tender journey into a life where I am beginning to feel that too much may be exactly enough.
...........
About Melissa Rivera
Melissa Rivera is a writer, dancer and scholar. She writes about love, art and alchemy, dances for self-exploration and expression, researches learning rooted in creativity and social justice, and co-creates artful reflection experiences. She lives with her husband and two young children in Florida and muses at soluna and 3 Sisters Village.
guest, i am enough, story
Reader Comments (6)
too much!
oh, yes, have heard that too many times :o)
here's to our too-muchness ~ what wonderous offerings are there in these kinds of hearts and souls.
Oh, I love this, Melissa (and love seeing you here) ... I can relate so much to this. Have often been told I'm too much - too sensitive, too emotional, etc, etc. I remember a passage in Gail Caldwell's gorgeous "Let's Take the Long Way Home" where she talks about how she and Caroline Knapp bonded so fiercely because they were both veterans of that same criticism and together they could finally be JUST ENOUGH. What a beautiful essay, and lovely photograph too! xoxo
Oh! This resonates with me!!! Every time I expressed any emotion as a child - from joy on down to anger I was told firmly and punitively that it was TOO MUCH. After all these years of squelching my TOO MUCH I feel I have not enough to offer. I want to find my just enough again! I loved reading this!
Oh...please never dim your light. It helps us to see...
thanks so much for sharing.....knew you were a kindred spirit! I feel the same way, like being a strong woman with strong feelings and passions is too much for most people to handle, yet knowing in my soul that my spirit is only alive when I am "too much!"
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